A New Day Dawns

And all I can say about it is, "Big deal."

So, it's another day.

And it starts out just like all the other days.

I'm in pain.

I'm tired.

I lost count of the number of times I woke last night.

Finally, at 5:15am, I dragged my sorry ass out of bed because I couldn't lie there any longer pretending to be asleep.

My hips are screaming in agony.

They are back to throbbing like toothaches all the time.

And now the left hip has reached a point where it's as bad as the right hip; that didn't used to be the case.

At least before, I could rely on my left side to support me.

Now I don't know what to expect when I stand up.

As a child, it was drilled into me that it was important what the neighbours thought.

I've resisted that mindset all my life.

But apparently those little messages that one's parents instill really do get ingrained into you.

So when the outside world witnesses my attempts at stability, I'm thinking they could assume intoxication.

And that causes me distress.

I know it shouldn't; I should rise above it.

But when your chips are down, it's difficult to rise above challenges.

And when you're in constant pain, every little challenge becomes a very large challenge.

Right now, even the smallest challenge is huge for me.

For example, let's assume I want to sit down to read the newspaper.

Before I do that, I had better make sure I have everything I need.

Why?  Because it takes such tremendous physical effort on my part to get up and down from my reading position if I forget something.

Sometimes, I've just settled my butt into my seat, all ready to open the paper when I'll remember that I had wanted to put a hot pack on my back or neck while I was reading.  Have to get up to get that prepared.

Then I just get settled with that, ready again to start reading the paper, and I realize that I really should be applying ice to my groin at the same time (if I'm going to be sitting for an hour reading, why not use that time to also gain some therapeutic benefit?) -- up I have to get again to get the ice packs.

Now that I'm settled with all my physio paraphernalia, I lift the paper to start reading, and oh, look, the remote control is over there -- on the coffee table -- just beyond my reach!  Damn!  I've got to get up again!

Once I have the remote control, I have to arrange the heat pads and ice packs in their proper places and get seated properly again.

So essentially, by the time I finally get started reading that damned paper, I'm exhausted.  I've used up all my energy reserve for the day just getting up and down from that seat!

And it could be as early as 7:30am when this level of frustration has already set in.

If your day starts with its energy and frustration banks already depleted, it's only downhill from there!

Today, I head into Ottawa for my weekly physiotherapy session, after which I go for my mammogram.

That's always fun.

Several years ago, when I went for my mammogram, I was asked if I wanted to participate in Ontario's Breast Screening Program which would monitor me every two years without my having to go through my doctor for the test, but my doctor would receive copies of the results.

I liked the idea of not having to request the test through my doctor because we would surely have lost track of the timing and may not have done the test as routinely as was desireable.

So I signed on and every two years like clockwork I get a notice that it's time for me to go back for my next mammogram.  I call it the "booby smashing" test cuz that's what it feels like.

When I'm finished there, I'll stop at my mechanic's shop to have my snow tires installed.

One more task checked off my worry wheel.

I will be leaving home at about 9:30am -- and expect to return by about 4:00pm.

Makes for a long day when you start out tired and in pain.

This reduced Cesamet level is for the birds!

Chin up old mate.  One thing about being this down -- it can only go up from here!