Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Here we go again!

It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same!
This new sleeping med that my doctor gave me worked really well.
For the first ten days, I guess.
Remember I was sleeping fairly well through the night?  Waking feeling really rested? I could move mountains?
Yeh, well those days are over, it seems (temporarily, I hope).
And they've been coming to an end on a sliding scale for the past week.
At first, I didn't understand why my mood was changing (I was fighting off a meltdown but I couldn't explain why).
And then it hit me.
I'm again seeing every two hours on the clock all night long.
But I'm so groggy from the sleeping med that I'm just going back to sleep.
Except with each passing night, the wake-up periods have begun lasting longer each time.
Conclusion:  my body has already become accustomed to the low dosage and wants more of it for the same effect.
After only ten days on the damned stuff.
Tells me that my body is a junkie.
And I will not give in to that hunger for ever more drug all the time.
So, here we go again.
I can't get a proper night's sleep without taking something but I refuse to give in to this always increasing need for more because eventually whatever I take at night will render me a zombie during the day.
But do I have to choose between that and being sleep deprived, which renders me unable to function during the day anyway?
There has to be another solution.

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