Friday, May 14, 2010

The trouble with meltdowns

I had the house to myself yesterday.
John went on an adventure with a good friend (my Angel's husband) to look for a specific butterfly.
It gave me a much-needed day alone and after the good night's sleep that I'd had, one would think I could put it to good use.
However, I was so down in the dumps that I'm afraid it was a totally wasted day.
I'm not sure to what I should attribute the depression.
Usually, when I get like that, I can pin-point precisely what the problem is.
But this time, while I could identify the trigger, I didn't know why I couldn't shake the mood.
The trigger was the meltdown that happened on Wednesday afternoon, as a result of having too many demands on my time and resources while operating on too little sleep.
That meltdown plunged me into what I'm calling a depression
So all I did yesterday was sit around and "mope" -- I watched a few of my canned television shows and I read for a while (even the book depressed me).
But mostly, I sat and fought off the tears that so badly wanted to come (normally, I have difficulty crying without identifiable cause).
By the time John got home, I had things nearly under control and we talked again about how I get this way when I get too far behind in the sleep department -- that's when life gets too overwhelming for me.
If only, if only ..... that balance is so difficult to find when sleep eludes you.
I crashed at 9:30pm last night and managed to sleep, almost uninterrupted, until 5:15am -- that's seven hours so that's a fairly good night's sleep for me.
And I feel much better today -- not at all in that "depressed" state of mind.
I'll take my time and read my newspapers in bed with my coffee this morning before I get my day officially started.
I have an appointment to see my eye doctor so I have to be out of the house by 9:30am, which means I can't loll around too long but I can go slowly because it is, after all, only 5:30am right now.
After my eye appointment, I'm hoping to meet a good friend for lunch before coming home.
Socializing is always a good thing to do, especially when one is catching up with friends one does not see often.
Then I'll come home and take it easy again.
But I think I'll start introducing a sleep aid more often into my regimen, and if I can get essentially uninterrupted sleep at least a couple of times a week, perhaps I can avoid the inevitable meltdowns.

1 comment:

Living It, Loving It said...

meltdown as a result of “too many demands on my time and resources while operating on too little sleep” – Boy, I can relate! Hopefully, the rest of your week is better. Enjoy your weekend.

I was also reading your “30 year struggle” story and I can relate to as well. The part about the headaches and your daughter understanding that you need to be left alone to a point where you could barely talk – I have those moments with my headaches and I feel sorry for my kids or my worst flare ups because I also have RA. As tough as I am, the inability to be the “best” possible mother really brings me to my knees. It is the hardest part about living with two chronic pain conditions. I am sorry that it took so long for a diagnosis of “fibromyalgia,” but fibromyalgia is like that – hiding in the shadows. I know because I spent nearly ten years looking for answers.