It truly is over!

I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels to be back in the land of the living.

Yesterday, I stayed down and rested for the most part, although I wanted to be doing so much more.

But I knew I had to rest (and my body let me know that I had to be resting).

Every time I did too much, I would get lightheaded and would have to sit down and put my head back.

So I know I'm still quite weak, physically.

But, oh it's nice to be back mentally and emotionally.

To know that I can function normally again.

To be able to think clearly.

To be able to joke with my husband again, the way we used to.

My perceptions were so badly clouded I don't know how John resisted the urge to take me out back and shoot me, really.

Of course, I couldn't see it then.

I couldn't see anything then.

But it's all so clear now.

That roller coaster truly started when I began taking Cesamet almost a year ago.  While the drug may have relieved the pain of my bursitis, and allowed me to physically do things I could not previously do, it really messed up my head.

But now, I'm off the roller coaster, and my head has cleared.

And while we know that Cesamet was the cause of my eating disorder, I still don't know for sure if it did any other damage to other organs.

I do know that I will not ever take that poison again.

Yesterday, I thanked John for sticking with me through the nightmare, and for loving me in spite of it.

It takes a special kind of person to do that, I think.

That's why they have detox centres, I guess.

So the family doesn't have to endure such hell while their loved ones dry out.

Because hell is the only word to describe what we've just come through.

And I can assure you, we'll not go through it again because there is no way in HELL that my doctor will convince me to try another narcotic to deal with my pain.  We'll simply have to find another solution.

Today, we head into Ottawa for a few appointments and it will be taxing on me, I know.

One of the appointments is with my physiotherapist and perhaps she might have a few more tricks up her sleeve that I might be able to try.

We'll also stop and return that router that we didn't need (it's always refreshing to visit my favourite boys at the computer shop -- they give great hugs!).

Then we'll come home as quickly as we can, and I'll rest again.